Where is Krishna?

I have been pondering about the terminology used to bifurcate the living from the once-living: ‘death rate,’ ‘death toll,’ ‘cause of death.’  There is a feeling of finality with the word, ‘death.’  Those who are left behind remain a fraction of the person they once were, having suffered their own death at the passing of their loved one.  

How do we become whole again when we have been reduced to a fraction?  How do we fill that void and make up for the loss of a part of ourselves?

It is as though a part of us lived in the other and with the passing of the other, that part also went away.  Is this the actual loss?  Have we lost our loved one or the piece of us that lived in them?  What is it that we truly miss?

Does the part of them that lived in us during their lifetime also go away with their death?  Certainly, it cannot. 

What is this exchange which takes place between two beings called love?  Love; the loss of which renders one helpless and into a state of emotional abyss.  When two people fall in love, spend their lives together and one of them kicks the proverbial bucket, what is it that remains?

Two halves make a whole.  Half of me is with me, the other half is with him.  Half of him is with me, the other half is with him.

Therefore, 1/2 (me) + 1/2 (him) =  1 whole.

But why do I not feel so?  I miss the half of me that lived in him and I want the whole of him, not just the half.  

In this equation, 1 + 1 = 1.

How does one regain this wholeness?

Death is the greatest teacher of the fact that life does not end, for when did life truly begin?  When did he really come into being and how can I be certain that he is no more?  Just because he is no longer available for the senses to objectify, does not mean he is gone.  And just because I am available for direct sensory perception does not mean my existence is as I perceive it to be.

Processing loss is being able to discriminate between perception and what truly is.  But how can one possibly do this amidst all the pain?

Surely, in time, it will subside.  Surely, the wounds will heal.  How can they not?  When he already exists in you, he will make sure it will happen.  Even the fraction of him that remains in you will be as powerful as the whole of him that lived outside of you for that brief period of time.  This fraction will make you see that he is ever present, waiting to be invoked so that you can be together again, in a different way.  

Before, he was a tangible person whom you could see, hear and touch.  Now, he is Krishna.

Dedicated to Lata Aunty, Vijayalakshmi Aunty and all those who have survived their loving partners.